Rest is Revolutionary

The American Psychological Association recently conducted a Pandemic Anniversary Survey to determine how stressed out Americans are a year into the pandemic.  Turns out they are still pretty stressed.  This finding is not surprising even as the vaccine is being rolled out and those of us in the Northern Hemisphere welcome in the warmer weather.  Many people are feeling renewed optimism and freedom from being vaccinated, but the reality is that it is going to be a gradual transition to a time when we can roam free without masks or social distancing.  It’s like we are at mile 21 of the marathon, which is when many people start to really feel the burn and the exhaustion.  So how do you keep going to the finish line?

Well, something that has been a theme of this pandemic is slowing down, but what that means for different people can vary drastically.  In a go-go-go culture, slowing down to us might still mean working around the clock; it just means, not having to deal with a stressful commute on top of that.  It might mean having fewer social outings, but having that time filled with other activities, whether it be dealing with kids’ schooling and extracurriculars, or more scrolling on Instagram (which, newsflash:  isn’t restful.)  So staying home more doesn’t necessarily mean slowing down your mind. 

So what does really slowing down mean?  And why should we care?  Well, for the past 30+ years in the U.S., we have been amping up our work lives to the point of being on steroids.  To a toxic level, I would venture to say.  If you actually step back and look at the frantic pace of so many work environments, it is kind of nuts.  Because it is needlessly and pointlessly frantic.  This approach to work has bred a few generations of workaholic adrenalin junkies who don’t know how to rest or relax.  And it is killing us.  It is no secret that stress leads to heart disease, diabetes, gastrointestinal problems and a host of mental health issues, to name a few.  And after a year of pandemic-related anxiety and stress on top of “normal” work pressures, many people are starting to get really frayed around the edges. 

Fortunately, some people are starting to talk about their struggles, and they are finding that they are not alone.  There can be comfort in knowing that we are not alone as we face the challenges of this time in history.  But there is another point I believe is important to address here, which is not specific to the pandemic.  In the U.S. we have this persistent belief that things should be hunky dory all the time and that we should always be on our “A-game.”  If we look on social media, everyone is showing off their seemingly perfect lives.  And so when we’re not feeling well or we’re not killing it in all areas of our lives, which by the way is called life, we think there is something wrong with us.

What is wrong is not you, it’s this belief.  So people try to handle things on their own rather admit they’re not ok, but often that means using substances or some other numbing device.  Or if they do seek out help from a mental health provider, there is often shame in that.  If more of us were able to be open and honest with ourselves first, then friends and family, and even employers, there would be a huge burden, a huge pressure removed. 

So it’s ok to say you’re not ok.  Sometimes in life, trying to stay on top of everything just isn’t possible.  It is time we created a more compassionate society, and that compassion can start with yourself.  We live in a time in which rest is revolutionary, but it wasn’t always this way.  When did we get to the point where it isn’t possible to take a real day off work or when we are expected to answer emails well into the night and on weekends?  9 to 5 used to be a real thing.  No really, people used to stop all work at 5 pm and then have the evening to relax.  What a concept.

Now, during this pandemic, we have the opportunity to rethink our priorities and ask, what kind of life do we want to be living?  I know many people feel trapped in a stressful job or in the rat race, but there is always a way out if you are willing to open up your vision to see it.  But even if you don’t see a way to make a change right now, taking a hard look at how you have been living your life and what you have accepted as “normal” is one of the opportunities of this time.  And in the day to day, there are things that can make a difference as to whether or not you make it to the end of the marathon with health and wellbeing intact.  

For one, see if you can ease up on unrealistic expectations you may have set for yourself.  Accept that these are unusual times that are calling for major adjustments.  And these aren’t adjustments you make once and call it a day.  Every day may require new adjustments.  Accept that you may not be on you’re A-game this year.  Can that be ok?

Let go of guilt that you are letting people down or not pulling your weight.  First of all, taking care of yourself is nothing to feel guilty about.  As the cliché goes, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first in order to be able to help others or contribute your best.  Often some honest communication about what you need right now can make your boss or family members aware that you need some extra slack.  

And when I talk about slowing down, as much as it is about slowing down your activities, it is also about quieting your mind.  A busy mind is an exhausted, overwhelmed mind.  But there are many ways to let your mind relax, including extra sleep, meditation, daydreaming, or simply letting yourself stare out the window or engage in people watching.  Our minds also quiet down when we are engaged in play, especially with a young child or a pet.  Painting, knitting and listening to music are other ways to let your mind disengage from your worries and your task list.  

Overall, I can’t stress enough how important self-care, self-nurturing and above all self-compassion are at this time.  It is a time to adjust priorities, and these things should be the priorities. Now may be the time to consider whether you really need to go back to “normal” or whether there might be another way.