Tips for the Holidays; 2020 Style
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As with everything 2020, it’s going to be a different kind of holiday season this year. In light of the ongoing pandemic, many health and government officials have strongly recommended that we avoid holiday travel this year; if we can at all help it. There are elderly relatives to consider when making plans and a general need to continue socially distancing and/or remaining in our smaller circles of friends and family. I’ll be the first to admit this “new normal” has gotten pretty old, and yet there are still ways to enjoy this time of year and stay grounded.
First of all, it’s best to make a decision around travel sooner than later, and then stick to it rather than waffling or ruminating on the pros, cons and what ifs. It’s the indecision and rumination that feeds anxiety. A big part of well-being in any situation is accepting reality rather than fighting it or wishing for an unlikely outcome. Instead, start re-imagining the holidays now and how you can make the best of the situation as it is.
If you and some family members have decided to risk a get-together, there are ways to manage the risks so you also mitigate the anxiety and stress surrounding those risks. One is to get COVID-19 tests before and after you travel. In most places now, the testing process has gotten faster and more efficient. In order to ensure the safest outcome, plan on quarantining and getting tested (at least once) before traveling and afterwards, as well. It is important to remember that the test is not a guarantee that you are free of the virus, but it can reduce the number of hours you spend worrying whether you could have contracted it. Frequent testing can offer peace of mind as well as alert you before you have symptoms so you can avoid spreading it, but it doesn’t replace the need for taking other precautions.
Ideally, if you’re traveling to see family, you will still plan to see each other outdoors with social distancing. While those of us in the northern United States think of gathering indoors and getting cozy in the colder months, we can take some advice from the Scandinavians who have developed a “positive wintertime mindset.” As studies have concluded that they are some of the happiest people on the globe, it might be worth listening to them. The New York Times recently published a piece about how they approach winter. Rather than dreading the shorter days and darker skies, they embrace the cold weather and spend lots of time outdoors. So maybe you’ll want to splurge on a warm new coat or new winter boots so that you can be comfortable spending more time outside. Now is the time to invest in snowshoes, skis, sleds, and ice skates and to plan these kinds of outings with family and friends.
As with other times of year in dealing with COVID-19, it is important not to apply pressure to anyone who doesn’t feel comfortable gathering or traveling. Each person really does have to decide their risk tolerance, and it is important to respect each other’s decisions. Missing each other is real, but it’s not worth the guilt or anxiety of taking a risk that doesn’t feel right to you, or making someone feel bad if they want to opt out. I know we are all sick of Zoom, but it is still a way to stay connected when we can’t all be in the same room together.
Although it is natural to want to get together with family during the holidays, it might be better to wait and plan a get-together for a time when travel will be less crowded and less risky. Some ideas are making a plan now to get together Presidents’ Day weekend or picking a random time early next year when airports will be less busy and the roads less congested.
As many regular traditions may not come to pass this year, it is definitely the time to start new ones. For example, you might host an outdoor decorating party. Invite local friends and family to help decorate your house and lawn. If it is safe to do so, light a bonfire and have some warm cider or wassail to offer guests. It might be time to check out an arts and crafts fair and add some new decorations to your collection. Have each family member pick out their 2020/COVID ornament. Try and preserve what traditions that you can, such as making your favorite holiday foods.
If you live with family or roommates, think of some small daily ways you can get into the holiday spirit. You could schedule dates to watch your favorite holiday movies together. Make cocoa or hot cider for the event. You could all make Christmas cookies together. You could revive that 20th century tradition of sending out Christmas cards (paper ones, not digital ones). If you want to take it a step further, design your own holiday cards. Nowadays receiving an old-fashioned holiday card in the mail could be a welcome surprise.
As it is the season of giving, maybe go in a little more than usual this year. As studies have shown that giving contributes to the well-being of both the giver and receiver, find new and creative ways to spread holiday cheer. Take homemade holiday treats to your friends and neighbors. Drop off small gifts at a hospital or nursing home in your area. Bring some magic to a child’s life by participating in Operation Santa – the program the US Post Office organizes each year to provide toys and necessities to children in need. And Toys for Tots has made it easier for people to donate virtually this year.
Ultimately, it’s how we approach any situation that determines how it goes. I had a client tell me that last Thanksgiving, due to an unexpected turn of events, he ended up spending Thanksgiving alone. Rather than ruminating on everything he was missing out on, he cozied up and enjoyed the day relaxing, without the pressure of having to travel and be “on” socially. What could have been a pity party turned into a chance to slow down and self-nurture. And if we all take this approach – that is, rather than wishing things were different or feeling sorry for what we can’t do, celebrate the things we can do and the new traditions we can create. It’s natural to feel sad about not being able to see the people that we love, but we can be grateful that those people are just a video call away.
So this holiday season, enjoy a slower pace and simpler approach to the holidays. Savor the good times and the good food, and enjoy the special moments that arise.